It pains me to see how many daggers are thrown to previous women.
Too often on my timeline I see quotes like, “He chose me not you.”. “You didn’t measure up.” or “It’s a reason why I’m the wife/girlfriend and you're not.”
Not only do these phrases scream insecurity, but they reek of jealousy.
Riddle me this:
Who in their right mind, that is happy in their relationship, would even acknowledge someone from their significant other’s past in general?
What is the point in making them relevant again?
There's no good reason at all really! So why waste your energy putting that out into the atmosphere?
Especially if (regardless to whether you accept it or not), that women removed herself as an option, so he had no one else to choose, but you!
It’s unfortunate how hard it is for some women to actualized the idea that a women in their boyfriend's, fiancé's or husband’s past, may have actually walked away from him. And that just because you deal with him, love him and/or want him, doesn’t mean that the only reason he's not with the woman before you, is because she was either inadequate, wasn’t the one or wasn’t you.
I find it very interesting how easily women are concerned with and judge relationships their significant other or spouse had before them.
There is no way, unless you were in that relationship with them, that you’d know for certain how your significant other felt (or in some cases feel) about any women of his past. And just because he tells you what you want to hear, or constantly expresses how content he is with his present, none of this means his feelings for you supersede anyone from his past.
I understand that some men may compare their past relationship to their present. Or even that some women may continuously ask questions about the past relationship(s), in order to solidify their place in the future. But when you're secure in your relationship, there's NO
reason for you to concern yourself with the past.
Because while it could very well be true that he loved her more than he loves you, or that losing her made him become better for you, the past will always be just that.
THE PAST WILL ALWAYS BE THE PAST!
And that should be ok!
Because accepting a man and allowing him to be apart of your present, means that you embrace his history. So there is no need to make yourself feel superior to another women because you're now his current, and/or only option.
Oh yes, I know how that sounds, and trust me I have been the women of the past that caused the current woman to be insecure, more than I have been the woman insecure about the women of the past.
Regardless to the situation, what I have always been is respectful of women.
RESPECT GIVEN IS RESPECT EARNED!
Doesn’t matter whether I know you or like you, as a women, I will always respect you.
Respect of women in general is something that is lacking in the world today. And if we don’t respect one another, I'm not sure why we expect men to respect us either.
Lack of respect, is one reason some women feel so comfortable posting such things to make other women feel bad, inferior or to validate herself.
None of that is necessary.
Especially because men do not always make the decision to move on. Sometimes they have no other choice.
Have you ever considered the fact that maybe because he lost a woman in his past, it has made him better for you?
If you had, you'd understand that it is never necessary to compare yourself to a woman of the past, but only to appreciate the man who is now getting to know you, love you and/or marry you.
It should be enough that he chose to focus on you and learn from previous mistakes.
And any women of his past that may "pop up", for whatever reason, should never cause you to feel fear of losing him. And I say "for whatever reason", because regardless to who initiates contact, continued contact only means there are still feelings and/or closure is necessary. -HARSH REALITY!
If you fear losing him, intuition probably kicked in, and he probably still has feelings. And if that's the case, he's NOT ready to be with you.
CLOSURE IS PARAMOUNT!
Men, like women, need closure, whether they want to admit it or not.
Nonetheless, while he is focusing on you, don't try and understand the choices that he has made in his past, or rationalize his decision to be with you, with the notion that women of his past were inadequate.
I know personally, that some of the men in my past are better men because of me. And I am ok with that. I count my Exes as love lessons.
I am better because of them as well.
And there were a few cases where I removed myself from being an option in situations where I should have been the only choice. Thus by removing myself as an option, I left him no one to choose, but the person in front of him or himself.
Despite this, some of my Exes have even contacted me, to make sure that we were over, before they engaged in serious relationships.
Which I understood, especially if they were making a decision to marry.
Because I came to learn that when you've loved someone in your past so greatly, you need closure. Or at least to know that it is indeed the end, before embarking on a new journey with a clear conscious.
You want to know that they will be ok, or that you're making the right decision by letting go.
But sometimes we take that as an issue. We get scared, as women, and immediately think that they will leave us.
But to be frank, if they decide to revisit a past relationship before you get married, count that as a blessing.
Because when he returns, you'll certainly notice the difference in his certainty to love you.
When he does seek closure, it means one of two things:
1) He's not ready to be in a relationship with you, because he harbors feelings for someone else.
2) He cared enough about you, to gain closure from his past.
So there should be nothing wrong with a man ensuring that he can give you 100% of his effort and love.
Because in the absence of closure, insecurities have a way of seeping in through uncertainty.
Be ok with allowing time for closure. Understand the necessity of it.
So, if you're his current, and he chose you, be happy to enjoy life with a man who chooses to spend his life with you.
And if you want to know why (he chose you), ask him why he loves you.
Don't question what set you apart from any women in his past...
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